Suicide and my thought process.

I think about suicide often, almost every minute of every day. It’s a thought that I’ve done everything I know to get it to stop and out of my mind forever. So far it’s a losing battle.

Not only do I think about wanting to die by suicide my brain focuses on what it would feel like. I imagine the initial spilt second of painof the bullet entering my head and the build up of pressure until it exits. I imagine the rope tightening around my neck and if it’s done right the snapping of my neck and I feel no more. I think these type of thoughts through every scenario I can think and I have no real control over it.

I don’t know if others with suicidal tendencies have the same thought process or if I’m the only one, I doubt that I am. All I know is all of this is wearing me down day by day and I’m losing my strength to fight anymore.