Flowers.

At the beginning of my relationship with she who shall not be named I was given a tin of flower seeds from her. The idea was that when I moved to North Carolina to be with her we’d plant them in our garden. That won’t be happening :-).

Each flower has a “meaning” behind them according to the tin. Sweet Peas are for friendship, Pinks are for strength, Forget-me-not’s are for love, Daisy’s for clarity, lavender is happiness, and Baby’s Breath is joy.

After the break up of the relationship I had contemplated sending them back to her with a snarky note. I have been advised against doing such and I’ve held off. Now I may have other plans for them.

Seeing how each flower has a different meaning I’m going chhange the meaning she intended and use that change to my advantage.

Here you go:

The Sweet Peas (friendship): will be to remind me of all the wonderful friends I have and those who’ve stuck with me through my darkest days.

Pinks (strength): Will remind me that no matter how dark my days get I will have the strength to get through it on my own or with others.

Forget-me-not (love): These will remind of my love for those friends and family around me who build me up when I tear myself down.

Daisy (clarity): These will be to remind me to look i to the future and choose the right path that is best for me.

Lavender (happiness): to remind me on those dark days there is happiness on the other side and it will be there waiting for me.

Baby’s Breath (joy): To help me see the joy in the world, in my puppy Evie, the happiness I bring to others and they bring to me. The joy in the sunshine and the rain. Just joy in general.

Now to find out if it’s to late to plant the seeds, not sure if they’re spring or summer flowers.

11:11

Ever since I was a kid I was told that wishes came true. All you had to do was wish upon a shooting star, blow the seeds off of a dandelion. And there’s also the eyelash wish.

It wasn’t until my late teens or early 20’s a girlfriend told me about wishing on 11:11. After she explained it I started wishing on 11:11 whenever I saw it. I figured if wishes were to ever come true it’d be on the 11:11 wishes since 1 and 3 or any combination of those two numbers are my favorite numbers (1, 3, 11, 13, etc.)

I wished for many things, things for myself, friends, loved ones who were battling cancer. It took losing 8 friends and family to the disease since 2001, having my heart broken again and again with their passing and failed relationships especially over the past two years to realize wishes don’t come true.

I’m done with wishes.

Dating.

I’m just about two years out of a sixteen year relationship and a year and a half since my suicide attempt. I’m looking to start dating again and wondering at what point do you come out about ones mental illness and the attempt. How soon do I want to scare them away?

Relationships.

One of the people I follow on Twitter asked this question a few weeks back. Can two people with mental health issues have a successful relationship within each other?

From my experience it’s a no but that’s only one experience with someone who was diagnosed. The person I was in a relationship and engaged to was diagnosed with severe depression. At some point in our relationship she had gone her meds without me knowing because she stated I was her prozac, that’s when things went downhill.

That’s just my one experience. However I’m not saying it couldn’t work but I’m curious what everyone’s thoughts about it were.