I never realized how hard the struggle was for me to maintain my sanity until I finally broke in April 2017. How I was able to fight it for 40 years and not lose is beyond me.

Now here is the problem. My depression has figured out how to beat me, it’s found the hole in the wall I use to protect myself. It knows my weaknesses and I’m struggling in this battle.

On or off meds the thoughts are always the same. I’m no longer counting my time in days or weeks but more hours and minutes.