Originally this post was about all three things but in the end it came down to the end.
I’m in love with a woman that I met 30 years ago, why I don’t know all I know is she is the one that truly got away but she doesn’t feel the same and I have to accept that.
Acceptance can be heartbreaking and sadly that’s something I’m getting used too.
The reason this entry has changed is due to a scene in “A Million Little Things.” In one scene the daughter of a person who chose to end their life basically said ‘the longer he’s gone the more I forget.’ This made me pause and reflect, when I’m gone will anyone think of me and say “Jeff really would have enjoyed this.” And the answer is no. I don’t think anyone will reminisce about me and think about what I may have like or disliked, I don’t think they would think of me at all.
With that being said, the desire to end things has been building up inside even though I’m taking all my meds as prescribed, am getting more than enough sleep and all those fun things you’re suppose to do. Sadly there isn’t a day lately where I don’t think about ending my life and imagining how I would do it. For most people that would be a scary prospect but having stepped on the precipice before I’m not scared anymore, it’s more of a when and how these days.