Dark Thoughts.

The past two weeks my thoughts of ending things have been slowly creeping back into my mind as if the mess have stopped working. These thoughts are both welcomed and frightening at the same time.

There have been a lot of stressors in my life as of late. One being not having a job, second being that I’m running out of mom very that was put aside for me to live off to play rent, bills, etc. Another stressor had been adapting to living alone. My ex and I loved together for 15 of the 16 years we were together before that I always had roommates. The not having someone by my side to help distract me from these thoughts is scaring me as the thoughts get louder.

I feel as though I’m heading towards another breakdown and that of I attempt again it will be final since I promised myself that I won’t go through the hell of being locked up again. The mental health system here in my state or at least my county truly sucks and I don’t want to go through that again.

I see my psych nurse this Friday and hopefully she’ll either up my dosage or put me on new meds. Of course if it’s new meds it’ll take s little while for my body adjusts to them, hopefully it won’t be to late.