Better?

It’s been a year and almost four months since my attempt. I’ve been in therapy, I’ve tried so many medications I can’t keep them straight. I’ve been taking my meds everyday without fail. I’ve done the Gene Swipe test to determine which meds should work the best for me so why aren’t they? Why am I not feeling or thinking any different than I did on that day or everyday for the past forty years?

There are days where I get so frustrated with it all that I just want to give up on the meds, therapy and life but I also want to get better, I want to be “normal” whatever that is. I want to think differently!

Right now my thinking is that no matter how much I try I’m still going to die by suicide and that sucks.

While I’m trying to avoid the self destructive behavior I will be living on my own for the first time ever. I’m sure those behaviors will return and I’ll wall myself off further from those who love and support me. Really beginning to not care anymore.