Silence. Self Preservation.

Before I attempted to end my life in April 2017 I was a very walled off person. I really didn’t trust anyone enough to talk about my feelings, the thoughts in my head, etc. I felt this way because I’d been hurt and lied to a few times and I’d learned my lesson.

After my incident I found myself to be very open about everything especially the lies, manipulations and heartbreak that led up to my attempt.

Lately, in the past few months, I’ve realized that I’m shutting myself off from everyone again. This shutting off even includes the little I love and trust the most. I feel as though I’m a burden to them and they’re tired of hearing me talk about me, something I was never really good at doing anyway. I fell like a burden to my therapist when we go a half hour to an hour over or session when she could be doing something else.

Of course these friends tell me I’m not a burden to them and that they’re there for me no matter what. It’s hard for me to believe when I know they have their own lives and troubles as well. I fell as though I’ve taken up enough of their time so I remain silent.

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