Fake Love

I met this woman once. She seemed perfect. We fell in love, or so I thought. I was her “soul mate.” I opened my heart and soul to her, told her all my darkest secrets and fears. She told me she understood. She said she wouldn’t be like the others and run away. She ran, I stayed. She lied and manipulated me and others to make herself look good. Days before she told me she’d met someone else (online and 3600 miles away) and that he was her soul mate she professed her undying love for me. Apparently love dies quickly with her if she’s not getting what she wants which is someone to feed her ego.

The day I got out of the hospital after my incident we talked for an hour and a half, the entire time all she did was berate me for all the wrongs she perceived I did wrong to her. I don’t claim to be completely innocent and I do have my faults but a good portion of my issues and self-destructiveness come from my bipolar disorder and BPD. These are things she claims to understand, things she’s read up on in order to help me, she even has a degree in behavioral health and deals with children every day that have mental health issues.

Because of her I will no longer believe in love. I will never open myself up as much as I did to her. My dark secrets will remain hidden. I will never believe in the imagined happiness I thought I had with her. During our last conversation I told her that losing her was my biggest regret. These days I realize my biggest regret was letting her in, letting her make me believe she was honest and sincere and believing in her lies and manipulations.

There are so many things I want to say to her. I have been biting my tongue, holding in my anger, trying to be the bigger person and just let it go but that’s a lot easier said than done. The sad thing is, even though I know she’s said bad things about me to now former mutual friends I have remained quiet. I haven’t mentioned her name unless someone guessed it and even then all I would say is “I can’t confirm nor deny it.” The real stupid thing is, I still defend her actions! What kind of screwed up sh*t is that?

She may have broken me but one day vengeance will be mine by the way of karma!

The amazing thing is that the woman whose heart I truly broke, the ex has stood by me, supported me emotionally and mentally pretty much since our break up. Sure she hates me for what I did and I fully understand that and don’t blame her but she continues to be there for me no matter what. That is what true friendship and love really is! I can’t thank her enough for all she has done and continues to do for me.

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